Compelling choices

I’ve been blindsided by anger. It was sudden. It came up in therapy, although I can’t pinpoint exactly what evoked it. Somehow it just materialised and now it is all over me. I feel as though to spite me, my heart is deliberately pumping it around my body. It rushes up and crawls, prickly, all over…

Shards of my truth

I’m drinking these lines and their heavy meaning leaning on my desire to pause and hold my breath, because this is my story in forgotten, dusty fragments from the pens of those who didn’t know me How can it be mine? when stretching through time the design has dissipated the truth was desiccated and only dry shards…

Should I give up on therapy?

How do you know when you’ve reached the end of the line in therapy? I’m not referring to being ‘cured’, just to a sense that I am not making progress anymore. Maybe the progress has always been so incremental that I only notice it retrospectively, but lately there has been an air of futility about…

I’m not like them

The morning arrives once more to animate me it pushes in, uninvited and drags me into another day of compliance sitting and waiting and creating nothing while plagued with small talk politeness at best phony concern or voyeuristic interest at worst Chemicals make it vaguely tolerable, but there’s never enough Because I am not like…

Paranoia: My neighbour knows my secrets

A really shitty thing happened. One of my neighbours (I will probably never know who) opened and read my extremely personal notes from my psychiatrist. I meet with my doctor every couple of months and talk to him for around an hour about the most intimate details of my life. I speak about my work,…

Songwriting breakthrough: Don’t be a stranger

It’s been eight years since I wrote a song I thought was any good. But a couple of weeks ago I sat down at the piano one evening and this one almost wrote itself. You can hear a recording of it here.  Don’t be a stranger I’m haunted by these echoes Shadows of a history The…