Everywhere in a week

I was only home for two days this week. On Monday night I returned from Frankfurt, and then on Thursday morning I left for a work trip to Paris. The German trip was a family thing, which was unsurprisingly exhausting. I was emotionally wrecked when I returned. Anticipating that I might feel this way, I’d…

Something new: Working with my body

I’ve started having some reflexology. J and I recognised a very long time ago that I have a lot of stuckness in my body. Not only feelings, but body memories from the time I was abused. Even though I knew this, I didn’t feel ready to do any body based therapy. It wasn’t that I…

The verdict

My wife’s uncle was convicted of child sexual abuse this week. He was tried on three counts and convicted on two of them. Yesterday he was sent to prison for 6 years. I didn’t know him well. He’s a reclusive alcoholic and I first met him when he was critically ill in intensive care. Everyone…

Can I wait?

Today I am the eye of the storm. A powerful whirlwind of debris and chaos circumvents me. And I am stood, motionless in the middle. I’m planted in this place of inert observation. It’s not possible to stop the force, and I hold myself back from stepping into it. With my feet planted firmly on…

Happy birthday, a**hole

It’s true what they say about anniversaries. No amount of CBT-ing myself that ‘it’s just another day of the year’ can stop me being triggered by days like today. Today is my abuser’s birthday. I know this, because the man who abused me is my brother. I know the sort of things he will do…

I try to forget

They keep walking through while I sink into the stone cold sorrow of everything I have to lose and will continue to lose I see them moving away as I hide and try to forget Submerged in the solitude of a past existence that is everything to me but to them, unpalatable inconvenient. So they leave…