I try to forget

They keep walking through while I sink into the stone cold sorrow of everything I have to lose and will continue to lose I see them moving away as I hide and try to forget Submerged in the solitude of a past existence that is everything to me but to them, unpalatable inconvenient. So they leave…

‘Exploring each other’s bodies’

Those are the words our family doctor used to describe what my mum reported to her. My mum went to her for help because she’d just discovered her 16 year old son had been sexually abusing her 11 year old daughter. She and my dad asked me a lot of impossibly difficult questions before going…

Shards of my truth

I’m drinking these lines and their heavy meaning leaning on my desire to pause and hold my breath, because this is my story in forgotten, dusty fragments from the pens of those who didn’t know me How can it be mine? when stretching through time the design has dissipated the truth was desiccated and only dry shards…

Therapy: I don’t want to be disconnected

Therapy is tough at the moment. Last week I wrote about wanting to give up on it, because I was feeling insecure and disconnected from J. I don’t know exactly how that occurred, but I can guess there are a few reasons. Back in November, there was a big rupture in mine and J’s relationship….

The pain of wanting a different past

It happened almost overnight. I can’t recall the exact moment, but at some point when I was around fifteen I had a sudden realisation that the way my brother had used me to fulfil his sexual fantasies was wrong. It might sound absurd that I didn’t know this all along. Even though I was only…

Your gift

This precious gift you offer shouldn’t feel like a sacrifice because it nurtures me carrying me through all those slow hours of every day It bathes me in a warmth so deep and intense and simultaneously, unwaveringly secure I am alert, always to what it costs me Because you make me want to hold on…