Today I had my first therapy session since trying to kill myself almost two weeks ago. I had an anxious mix of fear and anticipation fluttering in my stomach all morning. Part of me was worried J might be angry with me or disappointed, while the other part has been desperate to talk to her…
Tag: therapeutic alliance
Well that made everything worse
After much deliberation, I decided not to cancel my session today, but instead to go and bring up the worries and frustrations I’m feeling about therapy at the moment. My instinct was to cut myself off from J and hibernate at home, but past experience has taught me that letting these things fester generally just…
Ending the week in a better place
It’s been another heavy week. Put simply; I have been a mess. I’ve been distracted, irritable, forgetful and agitated. I had a few moments of being overcome with sadness and sobbing my heart out for no clear reason. (One of these moments was while trying to eat some mashed potato, which just ended up revoltingly…
Dreams about my therapist
I keep having dreams that feature my therapist. I am in a strange place at the moment when it comes to our relationship. I worry about it frequently throughout the day. She comes to mind for all sorts of reasons, and I have a lot of imaginary conversations with her in my head. It’s odd…
Therapy yesterday: I got drunk
I couldn’t write yesterday about my therapy session. It was so horrible I went to the pub afterwards and when I got home the vodka had numbed me enough that I just went to sleep. So I’ve thrown away over 100 days of sobriety. And I self harmed too. My session with J was so…
I hate my therapist
I am frequently perplexed by the fact that I both love and hate my therapist. In fact, it was one of the first things I ever wrote about on this blog. That was back in September, and I’m still none the wiser. Everywhere you read about psychotherapy, there’s this message that no emotion or thought…
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