Going into another therapy break

Yesterday I had my last therapy session before J’s holiday. 16 days without therapy are stretching out ahead of me. That feels like a lot of time. It feels like I have a big space to fill, in the three afternoons each week that I’d usually be seeing J. What helps is planning. Usually, I…

I feel like an upside down woodlouse

That’s what I wanted to tell J in therapy today. I didn’t. It sounded too ridiculous even in my own head. But it is really the best analogy for the stuck and helpless place I’ve got myself into. I’ve not been writing much, and I can’t say why. I haven’t been engaging with friends much…

An intruder in therapy

Towards the end of my session with J today, someone walked right up her driveway and seemed to be heading toward the room she sees me in. I know this, because the room has a lot of windows. Which in the past I always liked, because I could look out at the trees and sky…

Everywhere in a week

I was only home for two days this week. On Monday night I returned from Frankfurt, and then on Thursday morning I left for a work trip to Paris. The German trip was a family thing, which was unsurprisingly exhausting. I was emotionally wrecked when I returned. Anticipating that I might feel this way, I’d…

Ending the week in a better place

It’s been another heavy week. Put simply; I have been a mess. I’ve been distracted, irritable, forgetful and agitated. I had a few moments of being overcome with sadness and sobbing my heart out for no clear reason. (One of these moments was while trying to eat some mashed potato, which just ended up revoltingly…

Insecurity and another therapy disaster

I’m listening to a hefty thunderstorm as I type this. It’s the middle of the night. I’m wrapped in a blanket on my sofa, with my dog asleep in my lap. She came to me for protection from the storm. It’s nice to be able to give her that. I love that she seeks me…