A lifetime of shame

I want the picture back the way it was before I landed where I’m stuck here on the floor World spinning mind swimming I might be face down but I won’t stay down and let the loneliness drown me in melancholy There’s nothing funny here nothing good about this fear all consuming there’s just no…

Don’t stand there in the flames

A distant voice tells you, with kindness Don’t stand there in the flames You hear the warning and with coals around your feet You remain perfectly still Who can see the strength you summon, straining with every sinew merely to survive Who can understand the crushing disappointment that greets you every day Because despite a…

I am still here

I’ve been scared of this blank page it stares accusingly at me asking why I’ve neglected the space the room to breathe that it offers It wants me to open my mind and let my fingers tell their secrets spilling my soul into the empty space and calling out to anyone who wanders by I…

I would be gone

This rush has derailed me and I’m left with an intangible company of shadows, inert Like blood dropped in water we grow weak and pale and the scarlet impact dissipates. If I had a god, I would pray to be taken somewhere far from the confines of myself. My god would show me a place I can swim, where the…

We smiled together

In this snippet of a story We sat on grass in sunlight and it warmed your face and skin just like mine The shadows fell in the same places, the corners of your eyes tired and more weathered but still so much like mine And we smiled together then for the thousandth time your memories…

She punishes me

I’m sitting between blank walls they move closer as I let her speak That passenger who fights me from the past. I defend on impulse overpowered by the urge to control and obliterate, The drive for pain as relief. She’s a shameful haunting so I keep her cowered in the dark and like all the…

Not all those who wander are lost

I wanted to share this today, for all the fighters and survivors out there. Whatever it is you’re battling, your story is unique and I won’t ever feel your pain like you do. I will never know or completely understand the suffering of others, but when I read the blogs of my online friends I get to…

Disowned

For lonely decades I wandered unknowing and not asking Mercy in uncertainty, a refuge from the facts that threatened all I loved. Holding bitter secrets grew shame from shame until wilfully I forgot. Those lies were a poison that pulsed, insidious through my heart and veins And still, as they made me sick I inhaled…

It was never mine

Your words are transparent, in ordered lines they run with a simple message. But still I peer into their depths to find it there. Alone. The spark of your anguish. Although it stings through my thin tears, I have to watch it flicker and against my instinct leave it there, undisturbed. Because the cold truth…

Falling for tomorrow

I know how it feels to take a fall I know what it is to lose it all When the walls are closing in There’s no simple way to win So my night is day is night And every step’s a fight Please don’t say I can’t rewrite What’s gone down in black and white…

You love me for both of us

I can see you’re not a doctor there’s a light behind your eyes that dares to search beyond what’s broken, leaving space for what you find. You keep my hand in yours and you love me for the both of us you hold me in the dark while I’m fading away Your love is ever…

I will never be ready

When I awoke today there were long shadows Accompanying my footsteps they followed me into the cool morning. Patches of crystals here and there revealed how the frost had caressed the grass secretly overnight. Just as for many months those cold tendrils have crept into my sleep, Bringing echoes of the unsaid to reverberate in…