High

In this moment My eyes are open and I can see so much more It’s coming in I’m letting it in I imagine my little niece laughing the force of joy that creases her face and her warmth filters into my heart I picture my wife’s early morning eyes focused so completely on mine and…

Multiples

It wanders on, this war Not raging as wars are said to do But throbbing, gnawing, draining my energy in perpetuity. If I could only close my ears Make myself blind to the versions of myself Would it stop? Might there finally be quiet? I must have forgotten the calm Or perhaps I never had…

The moment it all changed

Once, the edges of the world melted and merged And the corners scurried away, afraid to even attempt containing what sat between them. Where there had been substance, memories soaked up the space like saturated paper growing fibrous and faint. Even the ground couldn’t stand to watch, Because it knew its concrete heart would break…

The vast unsaid

A restless being dark and powerful she is the culmination of voiceless years The vast unsaid in every feather forged from silence swallowed and quiet, rumbling rage She swirls and swoops with momentum building anticipating the opportunity to prey on me once more Embodying all that I loathe, I hate her but I am her…

Standing still

Standing still familiar forces rushing, peripheral the rage of nature in surging water faces fly by and strange tendrils tempt something deeper as they pass there is nothing that can reach this empty craving the quest for contact suspended in a desert of impatience observing the green shoots of progress bursting into life but only…

I try to forget

They keep walking through while I sink into the stone cold sorrow of everything I have to lose and will continue to lose I see them moving away as I hide and try to forget Submerged in the solitude of a past existence that is everything to me but to them, unpalatable inconvenient. So they leave…

Shards of my truth

I’m drinking these lines and their heavy meaning leaning on my desire to pause and hold my breath, because this is my story in forgotten, dusty fragments from the pens of those who didn’t know me How can it be mine? when stretching through time the design has dissipated the truth was desiccated and only dry shards…

I was waiting

I didn’t know it but I was waiting For so many lost years I was alone and waiting It took decades before finally I was surrounded by the love and acceptance that meant I could begin to breathe out and lay down and let go of it all The pretending the perfection the managing and…

Your gift

This precious gift you offer shouldn’t feel like a sacrifice because it nurtures me carrying me through all those slow hours of every day It bathes me in a warmth so deep and intense and simultaneously, unwaveringly secure I am alert, always to what it costs me Because you make me want to hold on…

I’m not like them

The morning arrives once more to animate me it pushes in, uninvited and drags me into another day of compliance sitting and waiting and creating nothing while plagued with small talk politeness at best phony concern or voyeuristic interest at worst Chemicals make it vaguely tolerable, but there’s never enough Because I am not like…

Spiralling

All I have are questions and the interrogation runs on repeat a cycle like the tide dragging and pushing so I can never be still And the flailing effort to stay afloat leaves me too exhausted to find my feet for more than a second But that’s just long enough to remind me again and…

Raising a monster

Appearing in her world heartache, bones and curls she opened up her arms to everything that harmed Nothing she could do to get through to the soul under the lies the hope behind blue eyes blinking in the light she thought somehow she might redeem that shattered mind searching desperately to find more than a…