Defeated in my quest to be drug free

Yesterday I had to admit defeat and go on new antidepressants. It’s not something I wanted and I feel deeply disappointed that I couldn’t manage without them. So today I have begun another cycle of side effects and dose increases and wondering whether any of it is working. I stopped taking Mirtazipine at the start…

Standing still

Standing still familiar forces rushing, peripheral the rage of nature in surging water faces fly by and strange tendrils tempt something deeper as they pass there is nothing that can reach this empty craving the quest for contact suspended in a desert of impatience observing the green shoots of progress bursting into life but only…

I try to forget

They keep walking through while I sink into the stone cold sorrow of everything I have to lose and will continue to lose I see them moving away as I hide and try to forget Submerged in the solitude of a past existence that is everything to me but to them, unpalatable inconvenient. So they leave…

Therapy today: The unfamiliar familiar

The first therapy session after a break is always weird for me. It amazes me how quickly I can remove myself from the established routine of going to therapy; the conventions of the interaction, the familiarity of how the whole thing works. After just two weeks away from the process, it feels unusual and somewhat uncomfortable….

Retreating from a retreat…

When I was little and something went wrong, my dad always said something like, ‘it’s taking part that counts’, or maybe, ‘it’s character-building’. Well I recently failed at going on a retreat. That’s a new one. I go to weekly CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) meetings. Every Saturday, I run a small, one hour meeting for women…

Barcelona and busy

I’m recovering from a frantic trip to Spain earlier this week. I was there for a conference; the culmination of many months of work from a variety of my colleagues. The event wasn’t just a time investment – it was a huge financial investment for our firm. I was super stressed in the run up,…