Please tell me how to get through this

This is a plea for advice. The reasons why are a lot to go into, and I haven’t got the energy for explaining right now. But the short story is I’ve suddenly found myself smack in the middle of intense emotional pain. It feels like huge, heavy, overwhelming grief. It is completely unbearable. I keep…

Shards of my truth

I’m drinking these lines and their heavy meaning leaning on my desire to pause and hold my breath, because this is my story in forgotten, dusty fragments from the pens of those who didn’t know me How can it be mine? when stretching through time the design has dissipated the truth was desiccated and only dry shards…

She punishes me

I’m sitting between blank walls they move closer as I let her speak That passenger who fights me from the past. I defend on impulse overpowered by the urge to control and obliterate, The drive for pain as relief. She’s a shameful haunting so I keep her cowered in the dark and like all the…

The problem of pain

Read this lovely quote from C.S. Lewis the other day. It makes perfect sense.

Failed again

I’ve got a confession to make. I self-harmed last night. I cut myself. Not just a little bit, I cut myself fifteen times. I had a phone conversation with my mum and that brought on the compulsion. It wasn’t a horrible call. We talked about everyday stuff and laughed together. It was easy and it felt…

It will pass

There’s a small fragment vulnerable, delicate In an adult voice, I reassure myself she won’t be abandoned this time There’s guilt, shame, sadness that touches everything loved and I have to tell myself that none of it is my fault There’s pain, powerful, enigmatic that threatens to submerge if I don’t remind myself I can…

New ink

Getting new ink is always exciting. It perfectly combines two things I find soothing; painting and pain. Tattooing is a great pleasure for a self harmer. I get to embrace pain in an environment in which it is totally normal and acceptable. There’s none of the guilt I get when I’m alone in the bathroom with…