Your issues are too complex

That’s what the Eating Disorders Unit told me when they called to let me know they won’t be offering me any support. Apparently it won’t be possible to ‘isolate the eating disorder’ from my other problems, therefore their treatment won’t be effective. I sat and listened patiently as the woman on the other end of…

Spoiler alert! The NHS is crap at this stuff

Today I was officially discharged from the psychiatric hospital. Hooray! I really didn’t want to have to go back there for the discharge meeting, but I knew it was a necessary evil. My policy from day 1 was to be as compliant as possible in order to get it all over with as fast as…

Day 5 on the psych ward: Some good news

I woke up in such a foul mood because once again I hardly slept. I really thought that I was so exhausted I would finally get some rest last night. I did all the right things; had a bath, read my book, listened to a guided meditation. I put on my eye mask to blot…

Day 4 on the psych ward

It feels like day 40. Now I have no running water in my room. But I did discover that there is a psychology group I can go to, so I have received something almost resembling 45 minutes of ‘treatment’ today.  I chatted with a friend this morning who was admitted to a similar facility earlier…

Day 3 on the psych ward

That photo is currently the outside world to me. A rectangle of sky above the tall walls of the secure smoking area on the ward.  It feels weird to be locked in. I haven’t experienced this before. I have no recollection of being admitted to the ward, so it wasn’t until my wife took me…

Day 2 on the psych ward

I’d really, really like to shave my armpits. It’s amazing how fast that hair grows. I can deal with the spidery legs, but the armpits make me feel grim. I noticed this because I had a bath tonight. I had a bath because the shower in my room doesn’t work and can’t be fixed for…

Why I hate World Mental Health day

This week, we were treated to ‘World Mental Health day’. Aren’t we lucky? Isn’t it nice that we were given an allocated day to feel special and important? Sorry to start off so sarcastic, but the whole thing p*sses me off. It’s a hollow, pointless lot of noise that ultimately will make very little practical…

“I think you enjoy feeling suicidal”

That’s what my psychiatrist said to me today. He hypothesised that I don’t help myself out of a dark place when I am there because I like being there. This from a man who has probably spent a total of about 10 hours with me in the past year. I was anxious about meeting with…

Mental illness: My experience of NHS negligence

It’s not a secret that in the UK the NHS is experiencing a massive crisis in services for mental illness. Even the specialist teams are ill-equipped and short-staffed. Knowing this, I thought A&E would be a rough experience. But the ignorance, bullying and general lack of care of the staff there were even worse than…

Complaint letter: NHS neglect in treating my psychiatric illness

Complaint regarding poor treatment received in A&E and EAU. Dear [hospital director], I am writing to complain about the neglectful treatment I received at the [hospital] recently, and the disrespect and disregard that were shown to me by the hospital’s staff. I believe that the way I was treated was in contravention of one of…

NHS psychiatric care: Trying to keep an open mind

I woke up feeling OK about the week ahead, despite having a lot of anxious dreams that have disturbed my sleep the last two nights. I’m used to feeling tired now, that’s been going on for months. On the plus side, the sun was shining this morning for my walk. While I enjoyed all the…

What’s in a name?

My therapist once said to me that diagnoses are just labels for clusters of symptoms. She might have just said this because she knows I have an aversion to being ‘textbook’ anything. She knows I get spiky when anyone informs me that my behaviour or feelings are typical of someone with my background. So this…