EMDR Session 1: I mostly thought ‘finger’…

This morning I had my first EMDR session (explanation here if you’ve no idea what it is). I had an intake meeting with the therapist a few weeks ago, but today was our first attempt at doing any actual work. He had set me some preparation stuff to do at home beforehand which I had…

35 days sober

And so the counting continues. When I got to 100 days a while ago, I thought I could begin to move beyond the ‘one day at a time’ mentality. But as soon as I thought I’d cracked it, I went and had a drink. It’s probably self-sabotage, but there were a number of other factors…

First steps

Tiny sparkles of afterlife are intruding in this bleak solitude and they are so alien I almost resist them because I’ve somehow forgotten what it means to be in this life here and now without fear free from anger or grief Just to realise that in this moment I am living and changing Maybe inertia…

Mindfulness: You’ve got to dare to be present

For a long time, silence was synonymous with my misery. Being still and quiet would mean drowning in negative thoughts and self-criticism. Panicking about everything I needed to do and all that is past and won’t ever change. I constantly distracted myself, with work, TV, sport, alcohol, whatever was easiest at the time. Anything to…

16 Days sober

A short while ago I had a major relapse. By ‘relapse’ I mean I drank half a litre of vodka, took a lot of pills and landed myself in hospital. So I was back to square one with the whole sobriety effort. I’ve been sober for just over two weeks. I’ve even resisted the always alluring…

3 Techniques for everyday mindfulness

I’ll admit I was a mindfulness cynic. It’s this buzz word in mental health that everyone pushes on you. When I first heard of mindfulness I thought it sounded ridiculous. I wondered how on earth sitting quietly and focusing all my senses of a cup of tea would ever help me. I had to find a…