The fantasy of escape takes up a lot of space in my imagination. This borderline obsession has resided in me for at least three years. I’ve made non-committal efforts to dislodge it, and had short-lived success here and there. Those little pushes aren’t significant though, because in truth, I know it will always be a…
Tag: Mental Illness
Once again a victim
I’m not religious. I don’t believe in some omnipresent being that plans out our lives for us and looks down at what we’re doing each day. But I often get this cynical feeling that maybe there is someone in control of all this, and maybe whoever that is loves to test me. That sounds egotistical…
I’m back on medication. Hooray.
I’ve had to back down on my hard line ‘no meds’ policy and ask my GP to write me up for something to help my anxiety. After weeks of averaging about 3 hours sleep per night and struggling with extreme agitation in the evenings, it was hard to argue that it wasn’t needed. My moods…
83 Days in and I’d rather not be sober
Today I’m a week off achieving 90 days of sobriety, but it feels like I’m not going to make it. The cravings have been less constant on the whole, but in the past few days they’ve returned with a vengeance. I fell asleep last night wanting a drink. I woke up this morning wanting a…
Craving a disaster
I’m holding it together but it’s taking every ounce of strength. It shouldn’t be a surprise that fighting is harder than defeat. Every tiny step forward is a leap of faith, as I push on into the unknown. I’m doing it. The things they’ve all been telling me to do for years now. Some courage…
The double horror of flashbacks
It’s been months since I had a proper flashback. By ‘proper’, I mean full-on, not being able to tell what’s real, immersion in my past trauma. That awful experience of really, fully reliving it. In comparison, I get a lot of body memories and intrusive images. Those feel dreadful, but when they come up I…
blackspotsite 