They keep walking through while I sink into the stone cold sorrow of everything I have to lose and will continue to lose I see them moving away as I hide and try to forget Submerged in the solitude of a past existence that is everything to me but to them, unpalatable inconvenient. So they leave…
Tag: loneliness
Nostalgic for a place where my pain belonged
In the past few weeks, I’ve felt like each time the spring sunshine warmed me, it also drenched me in nostalgia. Fewer words more aptly describe a feeling than this one. Nostalgia is about more than recollection; it is about the bittersweet nature of specific memories. I’m nerdy about language, so out of curiosity I…
The start of another therapy break. Ouch.
Yesterday I had my last session with J before her holiday. She will be away for two weeks. That means I will miss six sessions. It doesn’t sound like much when I write that, but it feels like a dark chasm has just opened up ahead of me. The thing about therapy is that it…
A deeper sort of pain
I’ve been drinking today. I shouldn’t drink. It isn’t safe. And it doesn’t help. I’ve been to meetings and I know all of this, but still I wanted it. It was hard not to start this post with an apology. Partly for the drinking, but I’m guessing none of you will be too judgemental about…
I was waiting
I didn’t know it but I was waiting For so many lost years I was alone and waiting It took decades before finally I was surrounded by the love and acceptance that meant I could begin to breathe out and lay down and let go of it all The pretending the perfection the managing and…
I’m not like them
The morning arrives once more to animate me it pushes in, uninvited and drags me into another day of compliance sitting and waiting and creating nothing while plagued with small talk politeness at best phony concern or voyeuristic interest at worst Chemicals make it vaguely tolerable, but there’s never enough Because I am not like…
blackspotsite 