I’ve reached the ‘halfway hump’ in the therapy break. It’s been just over a week since I last saw J. My next session is 8 days away. While I know logically that’s not a massive stretch of time, for parts of me it feels like forever. Up to yesterday evening, I’d been ‘managing’ by doing…
Tag: loneliness
So I am back in the loony bin
It’s not a very complicated story. I went to the pub after therapy on Wednesday afternoon. At the bottom of the second double, I decided I’d kill myself. The decision was impulsive, but the urge had been hanging around for months. I wanted to go somewhere I wouldn’t be found until it was too late….
Going into another therapy break
Yesterday I had my last therapy session before J’s holiday. 16 days without therapy are stretching out ahead of me. That feels like a lot of time. It feels like I have a big space to fill, in the three afternoons each week that I’d usually be seeing J. What helps is planning. Usually, I…
The moment it all changed
Once, the edges of the world melted and merged And the corners scurried away, afraid to even attempt containing what sat between them. Where there had been substance, memories soaked up the space like saturated paper growing fibrous and faint. Even the ground couldn’t stand to watch, Because it knew its concrete heart would break…
Happy birthday, a**hole
It’s true what they say about anniversaries. No amount of CBT-ing myself that ‘it’s just another day of the year’ can stop me being triggered by days like today. Today is my abuser’s birthday. I know this, because the man who abused me is my brother. I know the sort of things he will do…
Standing still
Standing still familiar forces rushing, peripheral the rage of nature in surging water faces fly by and strange tendrils tempt something deeper as they pass there is nothing that can reach this empty craving the quest for contact suspended in a desert of impatience observing the green shoots of progress bursting into life but only…
blackspotsite 