Some good news

I think I am possibly the only person who can be given a pay rise and not feel good about it. Today I got a salary increase, and my annual bonus was decent enough. It’s not that I’m greedy and was hoping for a whole lot more. I just didn’t feel happy about it. At…

Is my therapist reading this?

Anonymity is a beautiful thing. I never intended to disclose my identity on this site. That has given me enormous freedom to just purge what’s in my head onto the page. This is the first time in my life I’ve been able to do that. What came up in therapy today, among a lot of…

Insecurity in therapy: The chaos of anxious attachment

Yesterday I wanted to kill myself. But I am still here. Somehow I survived that storm and crawled out the other side. It passed. Because it always passes. When I’m in it though, it’s impossible to hold onto that knowledge. The light of imagination doesn’t break into that dark place. There’s only the torture of…

Therapy: I don’t want to be disconnected

Therapy is tough at the moment. Last week I wrote about wanting to give up on it, because I was feeling insecure and disconnected from J. I don’t know exactly how that occurred, but I can guess there are a few reasons. Back in November, there was a big rupture in mine and J’s relationship….