I lied to my friend

He was once my closest friend. We met in our first year at university, and ended up living together for the whole time we were there. In our third year, we had this little apartment overlooking the seafront and I have loads of wonderful memories of the fun we had there. We did everything together,…

A gigantic thank you

Just a short post from me tonight. You’ve probably heard enough this week already. But that’s what I want to talk about; how fantastic it was to be heard when I was in a lonely, cold place with nobody to talk to. Writing about what was going on for me last week is one of…

The death of a friendship

It’s day 1 of the therapy break and I’m already feeling J’s absence. It was a tough weekend, and even tougher because I knew I wasn’t going to have therapy today. I know I’ll survive, but I can’t help feeling daunted by the prospect of two weeks without seeing J. The weekend brought some big…

Catching up

I’ve been out of touch for the past few weeks. I kept thinking of writing and not quite being able to translate anything from my brain to the page. So today I am forcing myself to write this, in the hope that I can break that deadlock. Firstly, and most importantly, I had a really great…

Today I learned how good it can feel to cry

This morning I experienced a powerful and moving CoDA meeting. I cried, without shame, in front of a group of people. That has literally never happened to me before. Particularly with this specific sadness, a sadness I have never been able to openly and comfortably share with anybody. Working the CoDA (Codependents Anonymous – more…

The gifts of recovery

I don’t want to get all evangelical, but lately I’m feeling a lot of love for the programme of Co-Dependents Anonymous. I run my local meeting every weekend. Sometimes it feels like a chore, but even on those days I do get something out of it. It’s hard to explain CoDA (if you’re interested, I…

A happy painting

One of my closest friends is having a baby in a few weeks. I am super excited to meet this little guy or girl. I’m hosting a small gathering on Monday to celebrate her going off on maternity leave. It would be a baby shower if the idea didn’t make me so nauseous. Anyway, I…

Waiting for the avalanche

I wrote a few days ago to explain why I’ve not been writing much. One of the reasons for this was the police video statement I had to give on Tuesday. I wasn’t sure I could share that news  until I’d got the go ahead from the Detective in charge of my case. What came before the…

Today I found out what grief is

This morning, a friend greeted me outside the office looking very serious. We had a smoke together and he told me the awful news. A friend and colleague passed away at the weekend. He wasn’t a lot older than me, and he’s left a wife and two small children behind. On hearing this, I didn’t feel…

A surprise stalker

I got surprise stalked by an ex-friend at the hairdressers today. It scared the hell out of me. I arrived for my appointment and she launched herself at me from where she had been hiding behind a wall. She ensnared me in a bone crushing hug. There was no escape. An explanation is probably needed….

Liebster Award

I’ve come across all kinds of wonderful people since I started blogging back in September. I really didn’t expect it. I thought nobody out there would actually want to read my ramblings – let alone come back for more. So I was hugely flattered when my friend over at Rise of the Phoenix nominated me…