Happy birthday, a**hole

It’s true what they say about anniversaries. No amount of CBT-ing myself that ‘it’s just another day of the year’ can stop me being triggered by days like today. Today is my abuser’s birthday. I know this, because the man who abused me is my brother. I know the sort of things he will do…

A much needed break

On Friday I had a heavy overdose of family. My sister was visiting from Germany with her fiancé who I hadn’t yet met. We headed down to the coast to take my grandma out for the day as an overdue celebration of her 80th birthday. Given that in the past week I have struggled more…

I try to forget

They keep walking through while I sink into the stone cold sorrow of everything I have to lose and will continue to lose I see them moving away as I hide and try to forget Submerged in the solitude of a past existence that is everything to me but to them, unpalatable inconvenient. So they leave…

Barcelona and busy

I’m recovering from a frantic trip to Spain earlier this week. I was there for a conference; the culmination of many months of work from a variety of my colleagues. The event wasn’t just a time investment – it was a huge financial investment for our firm. I was super stressed in the run up,…

Black sheep

As far back as primary school I remember having a sense of otherness. It started with being from an ‘alternative’ sort of family. My parents and their friends are mostly musicians. And my mum was always a bit of a hippy. I never lived it down when she spent a summer collecting me from school barefoot….

‘Exploring each other’s bodies’

Those are the words our family doctor used to describe what my mum reported to her. My mum went to her for help because she’d just discovered her 16 year old son had been sexually abusing her 11 year old daughter. She and my dad asked me a lot of impossibly difficult questions before going…