The verdict

My wife’s uncle was convicted of child sexual abuse this week. He was tried on three counts and convicted on two of them. Yesterday he was sent to prison for 6 years. I didn’t know him well. He’s a reclusive alcoholic and I first met him when he was critically ill in intensive care. Everyone…

Can I wait?

Today I am the eye of the storm. A powerful whirlwind of debris and chaos circumvents me. And I am stood, motionless in the middle. I’m planted in this place of inert observation. It’s not possible to stop the force, and I hold myself back from stepping into it. With my feet planted firmly on…

Therapy resumed and everything got worse

I wrote a few days ago about the crushing sense of overwhelm I’m feeling at the moment. My wife and I went away for a few days at the weekend, which was much needed. We just headed down to the coast and camped for a few days. It was hot and sunny and the camp…

I am sinking

I’m approaching breaking point. I need to write. To share. To feel heard and held. I am so full of everything, there is hardly any space left for air to get into my lungs. I don’t want this sensation. I have this odd sense that if I vomited I would feel better. There’s a toxic…

A lot to catch up on

I don’t know where to start today. It’s been a heavy few weeks and I feel as though I have this huge backlog of things I need to write about. Perhaps the best way to begin is to summarise. I was in Sweden last week Last week I was part of a small team running…

Therapy today was confrontational

Therapy on Tuesday and Wednesday was relatively easy. J and I even talked about how I feel about those ‘easy’ sessions. I said I feel like there are a waste of time. She said it depends how you think about therapy, but I stood by my view that I’m not doing therapy if it isn’t…