It wanders on, this war Not raging as wars are said to do But throbbing, gnawing, draining my energy in perpetuity. If I could only close my ears Make myself blind to the versions of myself Would it stop? Might there finally be quiet? I must have forgotten the calm Or perhaps I never had…
Tag: Dissociation
Therapy break. I’m running out of steam.
I’ve reached the ‘halfway hump’ in the therapy break. It’s been just over a week since I last saw J. My next session is 8 days away. While I know logically that’s not a massive stretch of time, for parts of me it feels like forever. Up to yesterday evening, I’d been ‘managing’ by doing…
Coping with a huge trigger
A little while ago something extremely triggering happened. It wasn’t one of the everyday triggers, the smells and dates and accidental interactions that I am better at managing these days. This was a monster of a trigger. I was helping an older man with something on the canal while I was out walking my dog…
Post therapy break. I’ve missed her and now I don’t want to see her.
Tomorrow I’ve got my first session back after the therapy break, and I have no idea how to feel about it. While J has been away, I’ve had a rough time, and the logical place to begin would be to tell her about that. But there’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to….
The breaks don’t get any easier
I’m a week in and struggling with the therapy break. Yeah, I know, shocker right? They’re usually a breeze… I always end up hoping each time that it might get easier. So far, after 3 years, I can’t say it has. It’s definitely different, but it still feels like an endurance test every time. In…
I’m back on medication. Hooray.
I’ve had to back down on my hard line ‘no meds’ policy and ask my GP to write me up for something to help my anxiety. After weeks of averaging about 3 hours sleep per night and struggling with extreme agitation in the evenings, it was hard to argue that it wasn’t needed. My moods…
blackspotsite 