Wednesday soundtrack: Please let me get what I want

This is an awesome track. The Smiths wrote it, but I hate Morrissey’s voice. He sounds like he’s got something stuck in the back of his throat. It’s been covered by so many bands, it’s a bit like a Bob Dylan song in that regard. Outstanding lyrics, but lots of people don’t really like listening…

Wednesday soundtrack

This is one of my favourite tracks at the moment. The poignant lyrics and soulful, stripped back vocals are heartbreaking every time. If I were able to cry, this song would definitely do it for me.

Therapy today: Asking for help

I was looking forward to my therapy session today. I have missed having that breathing space available and I’ve missed my therapist. It’s not that I just miss talking to her, I miss knowing she is there if things go wrong. She’s talked me out of a self-destructive spiral a few times in the past…

The chaos consumes

This life has no order its pace never ceases The past doesn’t make you don’t grasp at the pieces They steer from the answers for clean resolution The chaos consumes and there’s no retribution Have faith in your footsteps in moving together You’ll bind to a future your will to endeavour.


The tiny silhouette a figure, distant in solitude Searching, restless with narrow vision Her bold, infinite quest a daily depletion Sparse fragments resonate in desperation Echoing eerie companionship unwanted and unshaken.

No rest in sleep

I awake panicked and drenched in sweat. The duvet clings to me and I feel suffocated. As usual, dreaming is the catalyst for this dramatic start to the day. My dreams are filled with fear, humiliation, frustration and loneliness. I am so used to these nightmares, I barely notice them anymore. The worst part is…


Muted smears denote an insipid pause A nebulous calm swirls into every crevasse The hours are fewer but nothing else changes Still the days creep laced with soporific stillness.

Don’t ask

Being asked why I am so self-destructive exasperates me. I know it’s natural for people to want an explanation for something seemingly irrational. They are just trying to make sense of things. But they don’t seem to take into account that I am struggling to make sense of things myself. I’ve grown introverted and obsessive….

Happiness is new shoes and Autumn leaves

Since starting this blog, I’ve got back into photography. It was a hobby for me years ago. The Autumn is so colourful this year, I always seem to find something beautiful when I am out walking the dog. The mist and dew make the mornings especially stunning. I try to be mindful when I’m out…

A long week ahead

My mind is very preoccupied with the fact that my therapist is on holiday. I apologise for the fact that I keep writing about it. I appreciate the comments and posts a few people have shared with me, because you guys know it’s tough. Being an adult who is so dependent on someone just feels…


Beneath the heavy soils resting in the deep Lies the ancient ember of a spirit wrapped in sleep. Precious adoration a fire burning white A becoming, unrelenting a fury in the night. Basking in our sentience we grasp for that enchantment to capture in exquisite breath still essence of contentment.

Manic attack

I had what I’ve decided to call a ‘manic attack’ last night. I am curious as to whether other people have experienced this. I have depression, but I hardly ever cry. I really wish I could, but I just don’t. I get to the point of having all the physical symptoms; tightness in my chest,…