The double horror of flashbacks

It’s been months since I had a proper flashback. By ‘proper’, I mean full-on, not being able to tell what’s real, immersion in my past trauma. That awful experience of really, fully reliving it. In comparison, I get a lot of body memories and intrusive images. Those feel dreadful, but when they come up I…

Change is afloat

I have waited to share this big news with you all, as I wasn’t certain it was all going ahead until last night. As of tomorrow morning, my wife and I will be the very proud owners of a beautiful houseboat! Just nine weeks from now, we are going to be moving our lives away…

45 Days sober. The anxiety is hell.

A few weeks ago, my goal of 90 days sober felt incredibly ambitious. So it’s good to stop and recognise today that I am half way there. That’s a big deal. It isn’t like the past 45 days have been easy. I’ve wanted alcohol at some point during each and every one. Some days that…

A gigantic thank you

Just a short post from me tonight. You’ve probably heard enough this week already. But that’s what I want to talk about; how fantastic it was to be heard when I was in a lonely, cold place with nobody to talk to. Writing about what was going on for me last week is one of…

Family: Old and new

At the moment, I’ve got one tiny new family member, and a very frail old one who are both very much on my mind. Neither of them is closely connected to the emotional difficulties I have with my family (least of all the new little one), so I find it easier to feel caring towards…

Falling for tomorrow

I know how it feels to take a fall I know what it is to lose it all When the walls are closing in There’s no simple way to win So my night is day is night And every step’s a fight Please don’t say I can’t rewrite What’s gone down in black and white…