It’s been months since I had a proper flashback. By ‘proper’, I mean full-on, not being able to tell what’s real, immersion in my past trauma. That awful experience of really, fully reliving it. In comparison, I get a lot of body memories and intrusive images. Those feel dreadful, but when they come up I…
Tag: Depression
45 Days sober. The anxiety is hell.
A few weeks ago, my goal of 90 days sober felt incredibly ambitious. So it’s good to stop and recognise today that I am half way there. That’s a big deal. It isn’t like the past 45 days have been easy. I’ve wanted alcohol at some point during each and every one. Some days that…
A gigantic thank you
Just a short post from me tonight. You’ve probably heard enough this week already. But that’s what I want to talk about; how fantastic it was to be heard when I was in a lonely, cold place with nobody to talk to. Writing about what was going on for me last week is one of…
Family: Old and new
At the moment, I’ve got one tiny new family member, and a very frail old one who are both very much on my mind. Neither of them is closely connected to the emotional difficulties I have with my family (least of all the new little one), so I find it easier to feel caring towards…
Falling for tomorrow
I know how it feels to take a fall I know what it is to lose it all When the walls are closing in There’s no simple way to win So my night is day is night And every step’s a fight Please don’t say I can’t rewrite What’s gone down in black and white…
35 days sober
And so the counting continues. When I got to 100 days a while ago, I thought I could begin to move beyond the ‘one day at a time’ mentality. But as soon as I thought I’d cracked it, I went and had a drink. It’s probably self-sabotage, but there were a number of other factors…
blackspotsite 