Going into another therapy break

Yesterday I had my last therapy session before J’s holiday. 16 days without therapy are stretching out ahead of me. That feels like a lot of time. It feels like I have a big space to fill, in the three afternoons each week that I’d usually be seeing J. What helps is planning. Usually, I…

55 days sober

One day I won’t feel the need to do this ridiculous counting anymore. For now, I know I need to count, to reinforce how many days I have dragged myself through without using alcohol. It isn’t a pat-on-the-back thing. I don’t feel as though I’ve achieved anything other than keeping myself alive lately. And most…

It will pass

There’s a small fragment vulnerable, delicate In an adult voice, I reassure myself she won’t be abandoned this time There’s guilt, shame, sadness that touches everything loved and I have to tell myself that none of it is my fault There’s pain, powerful, enigmatic that threatens to submerge if I don’t remind myself I can…