babies

Travelling to meet my new niece

I am sitting in the airport in Frankfurt reflecting on the last few days here. There were times when I found it tricky, but for the most part spending time with my sister and my little niece was pretty relaxed. It’s always challenging for me when I’m away from home. Less so when I have…

Family: Old and new

At the moment, I’ve got one tiny new family member, and a very frail old one who are both very much on my mind. Neither of them is closely connected to the emotional difficulties I have with my family (least of all the new little one), so I find it easier to feel caring towards…

A lot to catch up on

I don’t know where to start today. It’s been a heavy few weeks and I feel as though I have this huge backlog of things I need to write about. Perhaps the best way to begin is to summarise. I was in Sweden last week Last week I was part of a small team running…

Grief for the living

The news about the baby has still not settled in me. I know when I go for therapy tomorrow, J will expect me to talk about how it feels. And I’m not sure where to even begin on that. Those emotions are so knotted up, I can’t quite figure out how to unravel them. Like…

There are three kinds of babies in my life right now; babies that make me happy, babies that make me miserable, and possible babies that aren’t around yet. I’m reached an age at which the people I spend time with are spawning. We’re all in our 30s and they’re settling down. Being this age also…

A happy painting

One of my closest friends is having a baby in a few weeks. I am super excited to meet this little guy or girl. I’m hosting a small gathering on Monday to celebrate her going off on maternity leave. It would be a baby shower if the idea didn’t make me so nauseous. Anyway, I…