Distracting myself in the therapy break

Well the therapy break is almost over and I have only a few more days to get through. It’s never as horrendous as I anticipate, but it is always hard to manage without seeing J. I know I will survive it each time, but surviving is a pretty low benchmark for daily life isn’t it?…

The vast unsaid

A restless being dark and powerful she is the culmination of voiceless years The vast unsaid in every feather forged from silence swallowed and quiet, rumbling rage She swirls and swoops with momentum building anticipating the opportunity to prey on me once more Embodying all that I loathe, I hate her but I am her…

First painting of 2017

In the past few weeks I finally found some motivation to start painting something again. I was happy to get it finished this afternoon. Here are a few progress shots and the final thing.

Carrying impossibly heavy body memories

The past few days have been awful. Maybe it’s because the suicidal, black moods that were normal for me haven’t been so permanent lately. I’ve still felt like I was permanently struggling, but in a different way. Normal has been anxious, hopeless, fearful, insecure. It’s still been infused with deep self-hatred, but without the active thinking…

The upside of addiction

I’ve learned in the past few years that I have a fairly addictive personality. I think that happens to a lot of us when we struggle. We get into patterns of sedating or distracting ourselves to avoid how we feel. Aside from the really unhealthy substance addictions, I have also been addicted to self-harm. It’s…

Painting this week

I’ve been frantically painting over the last week, trying to get a lot done in preparation for attending a craft fair next month. A lot of other stuff happened and I just didn’t get time to write about it all. For now, here’s the little series I’ve just finished.

Immersed in colour

I have dedicated a large part of my weekend to painting this week. I needed the break from everything day-to-day. I was feeling ground down. So I painted an elephant as the second piece in a small series I’m planning to create in this style. Hope you like him! Here’s the other one, a patchwork…

Drawing EMDR

I can’t quite verbalise what going into EMDR feels like, so I drew it instead. It’s a dark and scary path I follow, and as I progress it grows more black. I am small and defenceless. The trees bend toward me and almost touch me with their sinister whispers. I can hardly move or breathe. Everything…

Art update

I haven’t shared any of what I’ve been painting in a while. Art is very much another aspect of therapy for me. It centres me and gets me focusing on something outside of the chaos in my head. Plus, when you work in a office only generating files on a computer, it is so satisfying…

Adding some light

I painted this deer over the weekend. It was fun to add some fantasy to the design, I always enjoy playing with bright colours and mixed media.  

Tropical finger paints

It’s great to get your hands messy. I’ve been enjoying finger painting in the past week, playing with lots of bright colours and smudges.