I’ve had to back down on my hard line ‘no meds’ policy and ask my GP to write me up for something to help my anxiety. After weeks of averaging about 3 hours sleep per night and struggling with extreme agitation in the evenings, it was hard to argue that it wasn’t needed. My moods…
Category: Therapy
Advice please: Coping with long distance therapy
In a few weeks I am going to be moving out of my current home. This means I am also moving away from my therapist. The idea of finding a new therapist closer to where I’ll be hasn’t really crossed my mind, because I’m incredibly attached to J and I can’t imagine trying to work…
The double horror of flashbacks
It’s been months since I had a proper flashback. By ‘proper’, I mean full-on, not being able to tell what’s real, immersion in my past trauma. That awful experience of really, fully reliving it. In comparison, I get a lot of body memories and intrusive images. Those feel dreadful, but when they come up I…
65 Days sober. It’s chaotic, but better.
The past week has been far from uneventful. I intended to write to mark 60 days of sobriety, but I’ve only just managed to order my thoughts enough to try and formulate this post. The past weekend was fraught with distressing peripheral events. As J was quick to point out in therapy on Tuesday; it’s…
I don’t believe you’ll care if I’m OK
It’s been a while since I had this lightbulb moment when I recognised that my self destructive behaviour has a big payoff. It makes me feel like people care about me. That sounds pretty messed up doesn’t it? I have plenty of people in my life who love me. I know this, but I don’t…
45 Days sober. The anxiety is hell.
A few weeks ago, my goal of 90 days sober felt incredibly ambitious. So it’s good to stop and recognise today that I am half way there. That’s a big deal. It isn’t like the past 45 days have been easy. I’ve wanted alcohol at some point during each and every one. Some days that…
blackspotsite 