83 Days in and I’d rather not be sober

Today I’m a week off achieving 90 days of sobriety, but it feels like I’m not going to make it. The cravings have been less constant on the whole, but in the past few days they’ve returned with a vengeance. I fell asleep last night wanting a drink. I woke up this morning wanting a…

45 Days sober. The anxiety is hell.

A few weeks ago, my goal of 90 days sober felt incredibly ambitious. So it’s good to stop and recognise today that I am half way there. That’s a big deal. It isn’t like the past 45 days have been easy. I’ve wanted alcohol at some point during each and every one. Some days that…

Attempting to adjust

I’ve now been out of hospital for 3 days and it’s definitely taking some time for me to recover. I’m technically still an inpatient, just on ‘home leave’, although unsurprisingly nobody from the hospital has checked up on me. I have to go back there to have an official discharge meeting on Wednesday morning, where…

A gigantic thank you

Just a short post from me tonight. You’ve probably heard enough this week already. But that’s what I want to talk about; how fantastic it was to be heard when I was in a lonely, cold place with nobody to talk to. Writing about what was going on for me last week is one of…

Finding some small comforts

I posted yesterday about this huge sadness and pain I’ve been experiencing this week. It was really lovely to have so many suggestions from you guys when I asked for advice on how to manage it. The fact that people took the time to write their thoughts for me has helped in itself. Reading through…

Something new: Working with my body

I’ve started having some reflexology. J and I recognised a very long time ago that I have a lot of stuckness in my body. Not only feelings, but body memories from the time I was abused. Even though I knew this, I didn’t feel ready to do any body based therapy. It wasn’t that I…