Finally, the tiniest bit of justice

I’m guessing a lot of people won’t have heard of the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority (CICA). I certainly hadn’t until a few years ago, when I attempted to prosecute my brother for the abuse he subjected me to as a child. The police were unable to take the case to court, but they urged me…

The verdict

My wife’s uncle was convicted of child sexual abuse this week. He was tried on three counts and convicted on two of them. Yesterday he was sent to prison for 6 years. I didn’t know him well. He’s a reclusive alcoholic and I first met him when he was critically ill in intensive care. Everyone…

The police have dropped my case

I’ve not written in a while. I intended to share something about the lovely holiday I had when I returned last week, but everything has really gone downhill since. In summary; the police have decided to drop the case against my brother. I received this news the day after the holiday, so it did a…

dis·com·bob·u·late

Where can I start? A week of rushing, chaos, noise, anxiety. Funny moments and pain. Exhilaration and desperation. Oh and so much therapy. I’ve done therapy four times this week. Three sessions with J and one consultation with a psychologist to talk about starting EMDR. I’ll write more on that later, but it is an…

How to report historic abuse: The first step

I wanted to write a few short, informative posts on this. When I was searching for information on how to report sexual abuse I suffered as a child, I found it difficult to find any simple, practical information. At the same time, I think it helps to hear it from someone who has done it….

Don’t ask me how, but I’m doing it.

Today, by some sort of miracle, I have not only managed to drag myself out of bed and get dressed, but I got on a plane and arrived in Amsterdam in time for a work function I was adamant I wouldn’t be well enough to attend. It’s lifted my mood being here with some of…

The cops are interviewing my brother today

9 minutes was all it took. Just 540 seconds to go through the awful, damaging things he had done. Less than ten minutes of questioning was OK to them back then. A handful of one word answers were an adequate response to my suffering. Yesterday I spoke to the Detective who is investigating my report of…

Waiting for the avalanche

I wrote a few days ago to explain why I’ve not been writing much. One of the reasons for this was the police video statement I had to give on Tuesday. I wasn’t sure I could share that news  until I’d got the go ahead from the Detective in charge of my case. What came before the…

I’m reconnecting

Hello there. I’ve been distant for a while, apologies for that. I’m going to explain why. In fact I am going to explain part of why, because the whole of why is far too big to summarise in just one post. I’ve made some major changes recently, and taken some huge steps. As said steps…

I will never be ready

When I awoke today there were long shadows Accompanying my footsteps they followed me into the cool morning. Patches of crystals here and there revealed how the frost had caressed the grass secretly overnight. Just as for many months those cold tendrils have crept into my sleep, Bringing echoes of the unsaid to reverberate in…

What could justice mean?

For a long while, I thought getting my brother convicted for sexually abusing me when I was little would just be about vengeance. I could only see it as my wanting to make him suffer, and I don’t want to be the kind of person that inflicts suffering on another. Even if a person deserves to suffer,…

I will be heard

I’m not quite sure where to start. I’m reeling from the shock of my brother’s letter this week. And obsessively turning his words over and over in my head. Searching for something deep, or loving. Scouring those few little paragraphs for any shred of kindness. All I can see is this breathtaking selfishness. After writing…