A few more Christmas crafts

I don’t have much to say today. I am largely avoiding stopping for long enough to think about how I feel. The weekend was long and miserable. I felt agitated, grumpy and emotional. Strangely for me, I kept getting tearful for no particular reason. I’m scared I will sink into that again if I’m not…

Impending family visit. Help.

My week is panning out to be full on and I’m not coping well with that idea. A few days ago I wrote about needing to fill time in order to avoid sinking into dark and destructive thoughts. The problem is, I’m running out of energy and now I am faced with a load of…

The upside of addiction

I’ve learned in the past few years that I have a fairly addictive personality. I think that happens to a lot of us when we struggle. We get into patterns of sedating or distracting ourselves to avoid how we feel. Aside from the really unhealthy substance addictions, I have also been addicted to self-harm. It’s…

Raising a monster

Appearing in her world heartache, bones and curls she opened up her arms to everything that harmed Nothing she could do to get through to the soul under the lies the hope behind blue eyes blinking in the light she thought somehow she might redeem that shattered mind searching desperately to find more than a…

A lifetime of shame

I want the picture back the way it was before I landed where I’m stuck here on the floor World spinning mind swimming I might be face down but I won’t stay down and let the loneliness drown me in melancholy There’s nothing funny here nothing good about this fear all consuming there’s just no…

Don’t stand there in the flames

A distant voice tells you, with kindness Don’t stand there in the flames You hear the warning and with coals around your feet You remain perfectly still Who can see the strength you summon, straining with every sinew merely to survive Who can understand the crushing disappointment that greets you every day Because despite a…