A few more Christmas crafts

I don’t have much to say today. I am largely avoiding stopping for long enough to think about how I feel. The weekend was long and miserable. I felt agitated, grumpy and emotional. Strangely for me, I kept getting tearful for no particular reason. I’m scared I will sink into that again if I’m not…

Impending family visit. Help.

My week is panning out to be full on and I’m not coping well with that idea. A few days ago I wrote about needing to fill time in order to avoid sinking into dark and destructive thoughts. The problem is, I’m running out of energy and now I am faced with a load of…

The upside of addiction

I’ve learned in the past few years that I have a fairly addictive personality. I think that happens to a lot of us when we struggle. We get into patterns of sedating or distracting ourselves to avoid how we feel. Aside from the really unhealthy substance addictions, I have also been addicted to self-harm. It’s…

Raising a monster

Appearing in her world heartache, bones and curls she opened up her arms to everything that harmed Nothing she could do to get through to the soul under the lies the hope behind blue eyes blinking in the light she thought somehow she might redeem that shattered mind searching desperately to find more than a…

A lifetime of shame

I want the picture back the way it was before I landed where I’m stuck here on the floor World spinning mind swimming I might be face down but I won’t stay down and let the loneliness drown me in melancholy There’s nothing funny here nothing good about this fear all consuming there’s just no…

Don’t stand there in the flames

A distant voice tells you, with kindness Don’t stand there in the flames You hear the warning and with coals around your feet You remain perfectly still Who can see the strength you summon, straining with every sinew merely to survive Who can understand the crushing disappointment that greets you every day Because despite a…

I am still here

I’ve been scared of this blank page it stares accusingly at me asking why I’ve neglected the space the room to breathe that it offers It wants me to open my mind and let my fingers tell their secrets spilling my soul into the empty space and calling out to anyone who wanders by I…

Painting this week

I’ve been frantically painting over the last week, trying to get a lot done in preparation for attending a craft fair next month. A lot of other stuff happened and I just didn’t get time to write about it all. For now, here’s the little series I’ve just finished.

Immersed in colour

I have dedicated a large part of my weekend to painting this week. I needed the break from everything day-to-day. I was feeling ground down. So I painted an elephant as the second piece in a small series I’m planning to create in this style. Hope you like him! Here’s the other one, a patchwork…

I would be gone

This rush has derailed me and I’m left with an intangible company of shadows, inert Like blood dropped in water we grow weak and pale and the scarlet impact dissipates. If I had a god, I would pray to be taken somewhere far from the confines of myself. My god would show me a place I can swim, where the…

A happy painting

One of my closest friends is having a baby in a few weeks. I am super excited to meet this little guy or girl. I’m hosting a small gathering on Monday to celebrate her going off on maternity leave. It would be a baby shower if the idea didn’t make me so nauseous. Anyway, I…

Drawing EMDR

I can’t quite verbalise what going into EMDR feels like, so I drew it instead. It’s a dark and scary path I follow, and as I progress it grows more black. I am small and defenceless. The trees bend toward me and almost touch me with their sinister whispers. I can hardly move or breathe. Everything…