To the little one I lost

I loved you when you were only a clump of cells. When she told me about you, I couldn’t help but feel excited. I knew your chances were slim, but I hoped for you. I couldn’t push her when she made her decision. It wasn’t my choice to make. But I want you to know…

I’m a lesbian, therefore I hate men

If you are a woman who happens to like women, it means you hate or fear men. It means that those hairy bodies and smelly feet and stubbly faces are just too repulsive for you. It’s objectionable that men have so much power in society and women are too often subjugated by them and their…

The first time I felt suicidal

It was late on a Saturday night. I had climbed a tree and was on the phone to my therapist. She did a great job of not appearing too phased that I was up a tree in the middle of nowhere at night. This is a journal entry I wrote when I was more lucid…

My abuser wrote to me

When I disowned my brother on account of the fact he traumatised me with sexual abuse at the age of ten, I wrote to him. I explained across pages and pages how I felt and the damage he has done. I took weeks to carefully craft something that really explained what I felt. I poured…

Life: The first chapter

Suspended, I wait in the warmth. There were two before me, but I don’t know about them yet. I’m oblivious to all that chaos, that exhilarating danger that comes with being. I’m brand new, yet I already possess a world of hope and promise. A stark contrast from the devastating arrivals that came first, mine…

Depression: How to support your partner

When someone you love is struggling you want to be able to help. You want to carry their pain because it is easier than seeing them suffer. That just isn’t possible, you can’t cure your partner of their depression. But you can be alongside them. You can listen and talk and make it less lonely….

Letter: To the man who abused me

I’ve been meaning to publish this for a while. It always felt too difficult to share. But I’ve recently resolved to do more difficult things to try and drive some progress with my therapy. So here goes. Dear [my brother], I am writing to you about why I have been ill and the steps I need…

Mental illness: My experience of NHS negligence

It’s not a secret that in the UK the NHS is experiencing a massive crisis in services for mental illness. Even the specialist teams are ill-equipped and short-staffed. Knowing this, I thought A&E would be a rough experience. But the ignorance, bullying and general lack of care of the staff there were even worse than…

Complaint letter: NHS neglect in treating my psychiatric illness

Complaint regarding poor treatment received in A&E and EAU. Dear [hospital director], I am writing to complain about the neglectful treatment I received at the [hospital] recently, and the disrespect and disregard that were shown to me by the hospital’s staff. I believe that the way I was treated was in contravention of one of…

Have you written a ‘no send’ letter?

No send letters are an amazing way to get your thoughts down on paper. If you’re like me and you’re too scared of upsetting people (some would say co-dependent) to actually tell them what you think, writing to them can be a good outlet. The concept of the no-send letter was introduced to me by…

A letter to my 11 year old self

Dear Laura I wanted to reach out to you because I know you have been alone for a long time and I want you to know I am here for you. There are a number of things I love about you; your silliness, how much you care for people and your determination. I know these…