Some days coping with feelings is easier than others. Today isn’t one of those days. I cut myself. I got drunk. I took benzos. I withdrew and refused to speak to my wife.
I loathe myself; the things I’ve done, what I’ve said, how I look, the insane bullshit that spins around inside my head, the memories, anger and shame I carry around with me all day every day.
I am pitied. Nobody actually wants or needs me. I drag people down and they’d be better off without me. I am tired of hurting, struggling, desperately trying to find something to cling on to. I’m tired of questioning everyone and everything I have.
I am completely hopeless.