I am sorry

on

I’m sorry I’m not truthful.
I’m sorry I hide things and lie to protect my destructive behaviour.
I’m sorry I am wasting my life.
I’m sorry I feel no gratitude for the privileges I live with purely by chance.
I’m sorry I can see time passing me by and I do nothing to use it.
I’m sorry I can’t make myself commit.

I’m sorry I cut myself off when you want to be close to me.
I’m sorry I frustrate you and make you angry.
I’m sorry you get scared that I won’t survive this.
I’m sorry for frightening you when I almost didn’t.

I’m sorry I cut, burn and poison my blameless body.
I’m sorry I blame my blameless body.
I’m sorry he was bigger than me and I couldn’t stop him.
I’m sorry I didn’t even try.
I’m sorry it never crossed my mind to tell someone what he was doing to me.
I’m sorry it made me feel important.
I’m sorry I thought he loved me.

I’m sorry I made my tiny self cope with it all alone.
I’m sorry I didn’t speak up for her.
I’m sorry nobody else did either.
I’m sorry our family is broken now.
I’m sorry that everyone I love is hurting because of me.
I’m sorry I can’t make everything OK for everyone all the time.

Sometimes I’m just sorry for breathing.
I’m sorry that I even exist.

Photo: coniferconifer, Creative Commons.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    *hugs* I’m sorry that you had to deal with this. All of this guilt and this sadness, it is not your fault. I know that words aren’t going to magically change how you feel, but you have nothing to be sorry for.

    Liked by 1 person

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