I’ve not written in a while. I intended to share something about the lovely holiday I had when I returned last week, but everything has really gone downhill since. In summary; the police have decided to drop the case against my brother. I received this news the day after the holiday, so it did a great job of wiping out all the good days I’d had.
On Friday, the Detective who had been investigating came over to explain the decision to us. It transpired they had found a file from the Sex Offenders Register that detailed what my brother admitted back in 1997. Even though he admitted the extent of the abuse, he was only cautioned. Because of this, he’s technically been prosecuted for all offences already and we can’t legally pursue him for any of it now.
The Detective also shared with me the account I gave to the social worker when I was 11. It included some stuff I had until now blanked out, so that was tough. It was horrible hearing the transcript of my child’s description of what he subjected me to. And hearing how sad I was that he apparently didn’t like me anymore after my parents found out. I told the social worker that I just wanted him to be my friend again.
There was no explanation in the paperwork of why the authorities had handled him so leniently at the time, so I won’t ever get an answer on that. I will also never know why they didn’t remove him from our family home.
I’m now left feeling massively angry and disappointed. I feel unimportant. I feel stupid for even trying to get justice for myself. And I feel sick thinking of how happy he will be to know he’s got away with it. I don’t know how to be OK with something so wrong, so unfair. The world feels like a really horrible place right now.
Photo: Ghost of Kuji, Creative Commons.