A surprise stalker

I got surprise stalked by an ex-friend at the hairdressers today. It scared the hell out of me. I arrived for my appointment and she launched herself at me from where she had been hiding behind a wall. She ensnared me in a bone crushing hug. There was no escape.

An explanation is probably needed. I don’t generally fall out with people. This one is pretty much my only ex-friend. Normally if I grow to dislike someone, I just phase them out gradually. In this one case, I cut off communications very suddenly. This person was a parasite. She leached energy from me, she was totally self-involved, she was massively unsupportive of my recovery.

So I cut her off. I told her we couldn’t speak anymore. It was a relief. When I was in hospital, she walked into my room at the moment I attempted to hang myself. She held that over me. She emotionally blackmailed me with it for months. So I ended it. There was no big fight, I just stopped talking to her. We live in different towns so it was pretty easy.

At Christmas I got this sudden case of guilt over our ‘break up’. I felt uncomfortable with the sour ending; I didn’t want to keep feeling like a bad person whenever I remembered it. So I messaged her and cleared the air. I didn’t lead her to believe we were still friends, just that I didn’t want to part on sour terms. She accepted that and I felt relieved. I could close the book on that one and I had done the right thing.

That’s why it was really unsettling when she suddenly appeared today. I was so stunned I got a shot of adrenaline through my system, so I managed to do a good impression of delighted surprise. I laughed a lot. I grinned from ear to ear. Not because I was happy to see her, but because I was shocked and actually a little scared.

While I rushed the hair stylist through cutting my hair, I talked incessantly. I had so much anxious energy, I just streamed verbal diarrhea. I barely stopped for breath. Sounds fun right? No. It was horrible. I felt trapped, cornered. I felt hunted. She had obviously found out from the salon when I was booked to go in and booked her appointment to match. That’s just creepy.

Driving home, the adrenaline settled and I could feel how much this run in had shaken me. It was wrong and fake and I was too pathetic to just tell her to back off. I felt spineless and weak, because my default response was to pretend like everything was OK, when I actually hated it. And that feeling isn’t new to me.

Photo credit: Q Phia, Creative Commons

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One Comment Add yours

  1. noimnotok says:

    Boundaries. It’s not easy asserting your boundaries, but when you don’t do it, people will walk all over you. Maybe you didn’t act assertively enough this time, but that doesn’t make you pathetic. You wouldn’t be tackling your personal demons and working on this awesome blog if you were pathetic, so that’s a bit harsh. Remember to be kind to yourself. I really like the startled fish, that must be how you felt inside when your “friend” popped up.

    Liked by 1 person

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