Tears

I’ve just got home from therapy and I’m feeling fragile. I can’t stop myself from crying. I cried in the session, then while I cycled home, and I’m still tearful as I write this. I don’t know why this has all come up now. I very rarely get tearful. But it’s really hard to cope…

A weekend with Welsh wildlife

Last week, my wife and I celebrated our birthdays with a trip to Wales. We both love wildlife and so we planned to visit a nature reserve where there’s a puffin colony and lots of other rare sea birds. We had a brilliant day there; the sun shone and we saw puffins, seals and a…

Therapy today was confrontational

Therapy on Tuesday and Wednesday was relatively easy. J and I even talked about how I feel about those ‘easy’ sessions. I said I feel like there are a waste of time. She said it depends how you think about therapy, but I stood by my view that I’m not doing therapy if it isn’t…

Escaping in my garden

Pottering in my garden always lifts my spirits. There’s something soothing about getting my hands dirty, feeling the sun on my skin, and nurturing the various little plants I’m trying to grow. I have the tiniest bit of garden to grow things in, but I spend plenty of time out there and I’ve crammed as…

Dreams about my therapist

I keep having dreams that feature my therapist. I am in a strange place at the moment when it comes to our relationship. I worry about it frequently throughout the day. She comes to mind for all sorts of reasons, and I have a lot of imaginary conversations with her in my head. It’s odd…

“I think you enjoy feeling suicidal”

That’s what my psychiatrist said to me today. He hypothesised that I don’t help myself out of a dark place when I am there because I like being there. This from a man who has probably spent a total of about 10 hours with me in the past year. I was anxious about meeting with…