I would be gone

This rush has derailed me and I’m left with an intangible company of shadows, inert Like blood dropped in water we grow weak and pale and the scarlet impact dissipates. If I had a god, I would pray to be taken somewhere far from the confines of myself. My god would show me a place I can swim, where the…

The police have dropped my case

I’ve not written in a while. I intended to share something about the lovely holiday I had when I returned last week, but everything has really gone downhill since. In summary; the police have decided to drop the case against my brother. I received this news the day after the holiday, so it did a…

I’m going off grid

For the next five days I will be away from internet, electricity, traffic and hot running water. My wife and I are taking a long overdue camping trip and it can’t come soon enough. We’ll be walking, swimming and surfing. But there’s also going to be plenty of time to sit still. To read my…

Surviving without therapy

I’ve got two weeks without therapy to get through. As I write this, I’m sat wrapped in a blanket that belongs to J. It’s my ‘transitional object’. I always borrow it when I’m not going to see her for a while, to help me feel like I’m still connected. The blanket is very ordinary. It’s…

EMDR raincheck

I didn’t write about EMDR yesterday because I didn’t go. I am ashamed of not going. I wasn’t raised to run away from a fight. It felt like cowardice, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. Last week the session felt brutal. When I recounted it to J, she used the term ‘harrowing’, and…

A happy painting

One of my closest friends is having a baby in a few weeks. I am super excited to meet this little guy or girl. I’m hosting a small gathering on Monday to celebrate her going off on maternity leave. It would be a baby shower if the idea didn’t make me so nauseous. Anyway, I…